They're Coming to Get You, Laura

Ever get the feeling as you read a book that you've read this story before? Well, that's the feeling I got when I was reading Zombie, the next entry in the Cursed Manuscript series by Iain Rob Wright (although why I keep calling it Mummy is beyond me). The story it reminded me of? Stephen King's Cujo, just swap out the dog for zombies.

I was tempted to skip this one, as I feel zombies have been played out, but I'm somewhat of a completist; it wouldn't sit well with me not to read the complete series.

At the beginning of Zombie, we meet Danny, Laura, and their three-year-old daughter, Rose. They're on their way home from Laura's parents' house, and Danny really shouldn't be driving because he's been drinking. There's an accident involving a van, and the van's cargo is... You guessed it. A zombie. What follows is a comedy of errors as, despite being told repeatedly to get away, Danny ignores the warning as he tries to help the driver. Zombie escapes van, Danny fights zombie while trying to continue to help the driver, Danny gets bit and is now infected. The happy, little dysfunctional family ends up back in the car. In the meantime, another zombie escapes from the van, and the zombie chow van driver has joined their ranks. Why don't they just drive away? It's not because it's wrong to leave the scene of an accident, which drunk Danny would probably do in a heartbeat. No. When the van collided with the car, it forced the car off the road and into a ditch. So, why don't they call for help? I'll get to that.

This particular entry of the Cursed Manuscript series suffers credibility issues from the very beginning. I can hear you thinking, we're dealing with zombies; how can we have credibility issues when we're dealing with zombies, because zombies don't really exist. Some would see a walking corpse as the biggest credibility issue of the book, but certain allowances have to be made. In horror fiction, zombies exist, vampires exist, werewolves exist. End of story. But even in the most incredible situations, the characters must have some credibility. We also know we wouldn't have horror if it weren't for stupid people making stupid decisions at the most inappropriate times. With this established, we can now commence with the eyeball gymnastics. SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT: In the beginning, God created... Oh, uh... wrong story. In the beginning, Laura and Drunk Danny are arguing. It seems what was supposed to be a weekend with the grandparents, whom they haven't seen in over a year thanks to the COVID lockdown (so their already strained relationship has been strained that much more because they were stuck inside with each other for over a year), has been cut short by a text from Danny's boss. There's an emergency. All hands on deck. Expect to report to work first thing in the morning. On a Sunday. Naturally, Laura doesn't buy it. All Danny had to do was show her the text. Does he? NOOOOO. He bullies his way through, gets them in the car, and they leave. In the car, the argument continues. Laura is going to text her parents and apologize. Danny says she's not apologizing for him, grabs her phone, and throws it out the window. Responsible Laura, who always puts her daughter first, grabs Danny's phone and throws it out the window. They decide to stop, get out, and look for their phones, leaving their daughter in the car --- without hazard lights. Can you say accident waiting to happen? I had to stop at this point. My eyes needed a break from all the rolling they were doing.

There are some timing issues regarding how quickly the virus kicks in that I can make allowances for. They're the same I would make for any zombie piece: living host vs dead host, recently dead vs older dead, etc. And we know that these aren't your typical zombies, as damage to the brain doesn't stop them in their tracks. I can overlook that. Thankfully, all the zombies here were shamblers. Had there been sprinters and marathon-running zombies, I would've closed the book, never to return. Zombies don't run (I will die on this hill). The BIG issue I had was with the regenerating zombie. Drunk Danny, now Zombie Danny, is shot in the face. The description literally says the lower half of his face disintegrated. From the nose down, there's nothing. But somewhere between getting his face blown off and attacking his wife upstairs, his face regenerated. That's the only way I can explain his mouth moving as he tried to bite her.

Had I known about these issues going in, especially that last one, I would've went with my gut and skipped this one, but as I said, I'm a completist, but as it stands, this one doesn't really offer up anything new in zombie fiction. I wouldn't recommend it, but should you decide to take the plunge, do go in expecting anything groundbreaking or new. 2.5/5 stars

Are You a Good Witch or a Bad Witch?

Iain Rob Wright is not a new-to-me author. I've read several of his books, and he's never disappointed. I've had my eye on the Cursed Manuscripts for a while, but have only now gotten around to reading any of them.

Witch is the first of 10 books (with possibly more coming), and from what I can see, despite the name of the series, it is a stand-alone book, so it will be interesting to see if these ten books are tied into each other at some point.

In Witch, we meet Ashley and Jude, besties since they were wee ones. One of the problems with the book itself is that even though the kids are placed at about 14 years of age, sometimes they come across as older, sometimes younger. Ashley could be an independent young woman, if it weren't for Jude, who's kind of a wuss, never standing up for himself, never getting angry, which makes him a prime target for bullies. And that's just how the book starts. End of summer is approaching, school year about to start, and Ashley and Jude are on the run from a pack of bullies. They run into the woods to escape their tormentors, stumble across this run-down, abandoned farmhouse, and upon exploring the inside, discover a naked woman chained to the floor. Only, there are no shackles on the chains; instead, the chains have been passed directly through the woman's hands and feet. They report it to the proper authorities, the police investigate, only to find the farmhouse, but no woman, which makes Ashley and Jude look like liars. They return, only to find the woman still chained to the floor. Are the police covering up something here, or is something more sinister at play? Ashley and Jude are determined to get to the bottom of things so they can prove to everyone they were telling the truth.

With Witch, Wright creates a compelling story, but there are a few things working against it. Initially, once you start reading, you might get the impression that this is a YA novel, but you quickly learn the subject matter teeters into too-dark-for-kids territory. It flips back and forth throughout, and it can't seem to decide which one it wants to be. Second, Jude and Richie (one of the local bullies) appear to have an obsession with Ashley's big-for-her-age boobs, and they're referenced constantly throughout. This feels like a nod to Richard Laymon, who appears to have a T&A (tits and ass) obsession in his books, and anybody who knows me knows I am not a fan of Laymon's books. I'm not a prude, but the way it's presented in his books feels juvenile, and you get that feel here as well. Wright also touches on a number of themes here, but they aren't explored to the extent they could be because of the length of the book: magic, the bonds of friendship, sexual awakening, bullying, abuse, and coming of age, to name a few. If it wasn't for the shadow of Laymon looming over this book, this could've been a solid 4-star read, but as it stands now, 3.5/5.

Mr. Raptor, You're in the Army Now

I'm a sucker for dinosaurs, so when I saw the poster for a movie titled Primitive War, I knew it was a MUST SEE, especially after the disappointing and god-awful Jurassic World: Rebirth. Primitive War is what the lastest installment of the Jurassic franchise wishes it was. It was through watching the movie that I learned Primitive War was part of a series of books. So that meant a trip to the bookstore.

Thankfully, I only bought the first book, because this is one of those instances where the movie is better than the book. Why? Because the movie is streamlined, and it doesn't suffer from the same problems that plague the book. That's not to say the movie is without issues, but the issues are what make the movie fun because they're believability issues. The issues in the book are distracting enough to pull the reader out of the story.

The basic premise of Primitive War is simple. The book takes place during the Viet Nam War. A bunch of Green Berets go missing, and Jericho sends the Vulture Squad into the jungle to find out what happened to them. It doesn't take them long to find out they were probably eaten. By dinosaurs. How did the dinosaurs end up in this valley in Viet Nam? Those blasted Russians. They've been running experiments that they hope will bring the United States to its knees and allow Russia to rise up as a Superpower. The Collider is what opened up wormholes and allowed the dinosaurs to enter into our timeline.

There are two main groups involved here. You have the Vulture Squad, a special ops group whose primary purpose, until now, has been to search out prison camps and free any American soldiers being detained/tortured. And you have a group of Russian soldiers who are attempting to locate the American soldiers. As the story stands right now, it feels like the turtle and the hare, with the Americans being the turtle and the Russians the hare. And when I say this, it's because it feels like there are glaring timeline issues. Ryan and his Vultures have to be helicoptered into the jungle; this implies there's some distance between where they're dropped off and Jericho's camp. The Russian compound is at the far end of the jungle. The Russians are on foot. Yet it feels like the Russians made it to Jericho's camp in no time at all. Likewise on their return trip. They steal a boat and head upriver, while just a short time later, Father Vulture, the Vulture Squad's helicopter transport, takes off. It feels like the Russians made it all the way back to their compound faster than Father Vulture covered half the distance by air. Mind you, the Russians made record time while escorting an American prisoner, which, to me at least, should have slowed them down. Also, when Ryan and his squad traveled by river, they encountered a herd of Triceratops and Kaprosuchus (prehistoric crocodiles) that slowed their journey. Where were these creatures when the Russians made their river trip? There are a lot of little time issues like this that make the reader stop reading and say, "Wait a minute..."

The other "Wait-a-minute" moment comes when one of the American soldiers is attacked by one of the raptors. He's gutted. His stomach has been slit open by a raptor claw and his intestines have all but fallen out. They have to push them back in before they can bandage him up and transport him. Yet, a short time later (like later in the day, not months later), when the camp is attacked, he throws himself out of bed, he's all set to run off after one of the Russian soldiers he spied crossing the camp. He goes with the Black Ops team when they go off in search of Ryan and the rest of the Vultures. He's running, he's jumping, he launches himself at somebody, has enough strength to try and strangle somebody, and the entire time my mind is screaming, Gutted! Intestines falling out! Blood loss! Near death! He shouldn't be able to do all this.

Thankfully, I only bought the first book. I was so psyched when I found out there were four books to the series (so far) that I almost bought them all. I didn't, though. I only bought the first one. I would've been so pissed with myself if I had bought all of them because after reading the one, I don't know if I could bring myself to read the remaining three. However, that's not stopping me from chomping at the bit for any news I can get on the movie sequel. THAT I will definitely see.

Final Rating: 2.5/5 stars 

Necromancer Rising

Last year, I dipped my toes into what I don't normally venture into, and that's paranormal romance. What originally attracted me to the book I chose was that it was described as Supernatural, only if Sam and Dean were "togther" (wink, wink). It was also described as Urban Fantasy. When the horror sections disappeared from the bookstores, urban fantasy, with its vampires, werewolves, and witches (oh my!), is watch scratched my horror itch. And while I liked the characters, and I liked the storyline, I was put off by all the sex. Not that I'm a prude or anything, but it was too much, and the guys boinking every chapter detracted from the story.

Well, this year I decided to dip my toes into that water again, but this time I sought out a male author, not a female author and not a female author using a male pseudonym. I settled on Richard Amos's "Necromancer Rising" series. Why? Because with the central character being a necromancer, it harkened back to my early UF days with the Anita Blake series by Laurel K. Hamilton.

In Death Eternal, Book 1 of a 4-book series, we're introduced to Marcel August, the necromancer of the series. We also find out that, thanks to Death walking off the job 20 years ago, the necromancers have gained more power. Where previously there were able to raise and speak to the dead for brief periods, usually to help with police investigations, they can now scan, reanimate, control, bind, and release ghosts. You might think the job of a necromancer would be boring, sitting around waiting for the police to require your assistance. Not so. Not now. Not since Death walked off the job. You see, now there's nobody to escort the ghosts to the spirit plain, so they're stuck here.

During the course of a routine poltergiest call, Jenn, Marcel's partner and BFF, is injured. The High Warden basically blames Marcel for what happened, even though it wasn't his fault. Their routine call had been interrupted by a rogue necromancer and a zombie. Rogues are necromancers who have gone crazy, unable to handle the power upgrade because they opted not to take the Necrojuice, which necromancers must inject on a regular basis in order to keep the powers under control.

Jump to Marcel's transfer out of London to the town of Oakthorne, where upon his arrival, he's encounters a ghost named Louise and is abducted by a rogue and almost killed, until he's rescued by a tall, dark, and handsome stranger.

Yep, you guessed it. Death.

And the two men immediately feel some connection. Under the guise of wanting to help Marcel find out what happended to a missing ghost, Death admits to being fascinated by Marcel, but there's something more going on. Needless to say, the sparks fly and the clothes eventually come off. But surprisingly, it doesn't happen for a while. And there's actually a story here, a mystery that becomes the major focus of the novel despire the overarcing storyline, which is Death and Marcel finding a way to love safely. What do I mean by that? Not giving that away. You'll have to read the book to find out.

I said previously that I was originally drawn to the series because of the echoes of Anita Blake, a series I loved, to a point, but as I was reading, I also picked up echoes of Richelle Meade's Georgina Kincaid series, another UF series I loved. So I was surprised to find that the series wasn't a tired retread of something that I'd read before. The story is fast-paced and action-packed (Amos knows how to keep you on the edge of your seat), and the author has populated his world with cast of likable and not-so-likable characters. Outside of Marcel and Death, my favorite here was Louise, an overly chatty ghost who Marcel befriends (this is the ghost Marcel encounters the night he arrives in Oakthorne).

I mentioned previously that the clothes don't come off for a while, and that was the only shadow hanging over my head as I was reading. I was totally caught up in the story, but with every turn of the page, I cringed, wait for the boinking to start and the story to derail. Thankfully, it never happens. I'm not talking about the boinking (this is, afterall, billed as a romance in addition to an urban fantasy novel); I'm talking about this not turning into an orgy and the story forgotten. Amos has created a well-balanced story that never lets up. The reader is compelled to keep reading to find out what happens next, and the brakes are never put on for the gratuitous sex scene. When it happens, it happens naturally as part of the narrative, not dropped in because the author thinks now is a good time for a boink. And surprisingly, I didn't even mind that this ended on a cliffhanger, which I usually hate, only because the next book was readily available. Also surprisingly, I jumped right into the next book. Normally, if I like a series, I space the books apart in order to savor it and enjoy the company of the characters, but that didn't happen here. Ten days, four books. Not because I wanted to get it over with, but because I needed to know what happened next, not just with Marcel and Death, but with the mystery itself, which only deepened and evolved with each book. If all of Amos's books are like this, I'm in big trouble, especially if the series runs long. It means I'll need to carve out large blocks in my reading schedule.And trust me, I will be returning to this author.

Recommended? Most definitely, especially if you're a fan of the early Anita Blake books.

Bumbles Bounce

 Usually, when I stumble across a killer cryptid novel, it's typically the North American Sasquatch, so when I crossed paths with Douglas Corleone's The Yeti, I automatically added it to my TBR.

The Yeti tells the story of Dr. Zack Hitchens, an evolutionary biology professor from Rhode Island. He is planning a sabbatical so he and his wife can scale Mount Everest. Zack, by nature, isn't an adventurer; his wife was the thrill-seeker. Scuba diving, spelunking, paragliding, she did it all. Mountaineering was the one adventure he had agreed to share with her. They climbed all the local mountains -- Estes Park, The White Mountains, and Mount Rainier. Now, she wanted Everest. When his wife is killed in an automobile accident, he's all set to scrap his plans. A friend, after her funeral, kind of guilts him into going. Not necessarily to climb, but to use it as sort of a retreat. Hire someone to take her ashes and release them at the peak. Reluctantly, he agrees, but once he arrives, finding somebody to take the ashes up becomes problematic, and the leader of the expedition encourages him to take them up himself. Not necesssarily all the way. Just get to Base Camp, and he'll see to it that somebody completes the journey, but once there, he decides to push on.

Zack isn't alone on this expedition; there's a complete cast of characters, some of whom are not who they claim to be.

Unlike many of the killer cryptid novels, Corleone has created more than just a creature feature novel. It's a novel about grief, about honoring a loved one's memory, and persevering through hardships to see that person's goal accomplished, even when they can no longer do it for themselves. Corleone has also populated his world with some wonderful characters, and for the most part, they're all likable, even the ones who have lied about who they are.

The first half of the book is like the adventure itself, kind of slow-moving, but once they start the climb, the pace picks up. The book, for the most part, is enjoyable, although I would have preferred more of a Yeti presence throughout, and while the ending is satisfactory, I wasn't particularly a fan of it, but I understand why the author made the choices he did. If you're looking for a killer cryptid novel that has more substance than the usual publications, this is definitely one to check out. Highly recommended. 4/5 stars.

Haunted Forest Tour Derailed

The Haunted Forest Tour by James A. Moore and Jeff Strand has been on my radar/TBR for a while, thanks in part of some FB groups that have been raving about it. I'm familiar with James A. Moore and know he delivers quality horror fiction, but I'm less familiar with Jeff Strand. I believe that, prior to this, I've only ever read one other Strand novel, and that's in part because he's known for comedic horror, and that's something I need to be in a certain frame of mind for. Well, I finally got around to it, and personally, I don't know what all the fuss was about. 

The premise of The Haunted Forest Tour is relatively simple--a forest crops quite literally under the town within a matter of hours, the trees coming up with such force that residents are impaled on the sudden growths. Not explanation is given (you'll have to read the book to learn why). The forest is inhabited by a variety of monsters. A developer buys the land, and it isn't long before The Haunted Forest Tours are born. So far, there have been no incidents at the park, which is too good to be true, so you know something is bound to happen on the special Halloween Tours, and sure enough, two trams full of tourists break down inside the park. A blood bath follows, with only a handful of survivors escaping the massacre and trying to work their way out of the park. 

This was probably another case of going in with high expectations that weren't met. As I mentioned earlier, James A. Moore is known for delivering quality horror time after time, and Jeff Strand is supposedly known for his comedic horror, so I expected some top-notch horror comedy. And while the horror was there, the comedy was nowhere to be seen. Then again, maybe it was and I just wasn't feeling it. I've often been told that I have a strange sense of humor, never finding the funny in what most folks think is funny. I can sit through a comedy totally straight-faced, not finding anything funny about, yet everybody around me is practically pissing their pants with laughter. You have a semi-large cast of characters, none of whom are fully developed, so you really don't get attached to them, and as a result, you don't care who lives and who dies. In a case such as this, you usually give up on the human characters and start rooting for the monsters, but sadly, the monsters weren't even all that interesting, so you didn't want to root for them either. I kept hoping the forest floor would open and swallow them all just so I could be done with it, but alas, that didn't happen either. The only real horror to be found here is the book itself as you slog through it, praying for the end. This is not one I would recommend.

Supernatural It Ain't

 I don't know what possessed me to pick up this one... Oh, wait... I remember what it was... It was billed as something, something Supernatural, only if Sam and Dean were "together". I didn't care about the "together" part; I was just in the mood for something to scratch that Supernatural itch without having to rewatch the episodes. In short, I wanted something familiar yet new.

Morgan Brice's Witchbane starts off strong enough with brothers Seth and Jesse Tanner setting off to explore Hellgate, an infamous haunted tunnel in their hometown. Their intention is to debunk the myth surrounding the site, but they soon get more than they bargained for, and younger brother Jesse is brutally butchered by a supernatural entity. Well, at least we know we're not going to have a Wincest situation here.

There's a time jump of two years, during with Seth has become a "hunter," tracking down and dispatching supernatural beings, and we also learn that he's not the only one. There's a whole network of hunters out there, and it seems like every pairing ends up being a gay couple working together. Seth is the only lone wolf -- so we know where this is heading. Seth had figured out who killed his brother, kinda sort of. Seems many many moons ago, some witch was killed, and every year, one of the descendants, the first born of whatever generation, of the original executioners has to be sacrificed by one of the immortal members of the coven in order to maintain their immortality. We also find that the Tanner family was a party to the original executioners and Seth, being the oldest, had been the intended target. So now Seth is out to avenge his brother's death and prevent any of the other descendants from being sacrificed. Enter Jackson "Sonny" Evan Malone, the hot, humpy bartender who Seth ends up going home with, not realizing this is the man he's supposed to be protecting. And this is where the book begins to fall apart.

I knew going in that this was an urban fantasy/paranormal romance/thriller, so I knew there was going to be some sex, and since it was a gay paranormal romance, that the sex was going to be man on man. That didn't bother me. What bothered me was that a little more than half the book is filled with sex and it feels like the urban fantasy/thriller part was thrown in as filler between the sex scenes. Take away the sex scenes and you're left with a very short novella. Additionally, the story takes place over the span of a few days, and we're expected to believe that they've fallen so madly and deeply in love with each other that they can't picture their lives without each other. Look... this is a series, seven books so far. Approach it a little more realistically. Let the romance build over the course of the series. And gay men are not walking hormones; they don't get boners every time a hot guy sneezes, or coughs, or farts, but that certainly seems to be the case here. And that's a shame, really. I had high hopes going into this book and was hoping I'd find something I could lose myself in to satisfy that itch for the monster ass-kicking, brotherly camaraderie of Sam and Dean without resorting to watching the series over again because I gladly would have continued with these books, but I can very easily imagine I'll be getting more of the same, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass. And I recommend you do the same. Final rating: 2/5 stars